Family Guy Porn Story: Conkers Bad Family Day Chapter 3

Conkers Bad Family
Day

Recently, it was
revealed that the Great Mighty Poo from Conkers world had somehow
entered Quahog. Well, the crisis was over and everyone was sure the
rift deal was over with.

As the family sat in
front of the TV watching Springer, Meg entered the room and asked,
Hey, can I have the remote? Drawn Together is on.

Drawn Together?
Peter retorted, Oh, I love Drawn Together and slapstick random
humor that very similar to our own!

He changed the channel
as Conker turned to Meg and asked, Why do you like this Drawn
Together show so much? I personally dont get it, just like I
dont get my life.

Because it has a
girl who makes me look thin in comparison, Meg stated, obviously
referring to Toot.

Suddenly, Brian entered
the room and said, Hey guys, I won us a contest.

Oh boy! Chris
replied, What did we win?

Peter looked at the
prize tickets that Brian was holding and shouted, Wow, he got us
pieces of cardboard with Rodeo written on them!

No, Brian
retorted, Theyre tickets to the rodeo, and Im inviting the
family.

Everyone cheered as Meg
moped and Brian finished, And Megs invited too.

The whole family
entered the car and drove down to the rodeo. Conker turned to Peter
and asked, Say, Peter, when are we ever gonna go to that Drunken
Clam you told me about? I wanna meet your friends and have tavern
beer rather than store bought.

Peter froze for a
minute and cursed, DAMN! I knew I forgot to do something
yesterday. Ill take you there after the bull fight.

Bull fight?
Conker retorted as Peter said, Yeah, itll be great! They say
that their strongest bull ever born is performing today! Its
gonna be all bloody and gory and they say the matador may die!

Conker gulped as Stewie
turned his head to the side saying, Oh, boohoo. So a man whos
not you dies! By what Ive heard, you killed a baby dinosaur.

Conker shook his head
and spat, Dont you get it? My FUR is red.

Lois gasped and said,
I completely forgot about that. Here, when we stop, Ill die
your fur grey for you.

The color grey did
always remind Conker of his dead war buddies, but nonetheless, he
needed a safeguard, and this was it.

Finally, the family had
arrived. Peter bought a cowboy hat at the first store he found so he
could fit in with the scenery. Lois put Stewie in a playpen with all
the other kids, much to the babys dismay, while Chris and Meg did
their own thing.

Brian walked behind a
gunning range, which Stewie wanted to try out, and pulled out a
cigarette. As he smoked it, a man dressed like a cowboy walked up to
him and asked, Say, partner, would you spare me a cig stick? I
brought my lighter but I forgot my cigarettes at home.

Brian kindly handed the
man a cigarette as the man ripped off his skin to reveal Rob Reiner
underneath and said, Now I have a good case against the tobacco
lobbyists. Animals are smoking. Its perfect!

With that, he curiously
pulled out a lighter of his own and took a puff. His eyes bulged out
and turned beat red as he stated, Ive never actually tried one
of these before. I cant believe that Ive been campaigning
against them for so long. Thats it, I am officially giving up
chicken wings! This is my buzz now!

Finally, it was time
for the bullfight. Conker trembled with fear as Meg placed an arm on
his shoulder and said, Dont worry. Your fur is grey now.

Conker noticed the arm
touching his shoulder and shouted, Help! A hideous beast is
attacking me!

With that, a series of
rapid guards came out and carried Meg off into the pigpen. Oh boy
slops! she exclaimed as she knelt down and started eating the pig
food. The pigs approached the dish to join in, but Meg snorted in a
vicious fashion thus scaring them away so she could finish the slops.

The audience watched as
the bull door opened and a big black bull came running into the ring.
Conker stared and asked, Is that Big Guy the Bull?

Suddenly, a man
carrying a keg of water walked by and dropped the whole keg on
Conkers head. The worst part is that the grey die came right off
on account of this and the squirrels red fur was exposed. As if
it couldnt get any worse, he and the Griffins were sitting in the
front row.

The bull turned his
gaze over to the squirrel and spat, You, dont you dare enter
this area! I hate the color red!

Conker blinked and
said, So, it IS you, Big Guy. I thought you died when you fell
down the poop sewer lid!

The bull shook his head
and said, It may have been a great fall, but swamp water isnt
enough to kill me. Well, since I do want an audience, you can stay
and watch. Just dont enter the ring! I absolutely despise red!

Conker grimaced and
spat, You know, your hatred towards red may have to do with the
fact that youre a bull, but lets not forget that its not my
fault that my fur is red! Just for the hell of it all, Im going
to come in there and prove that redder is better!

Redder is better?
Peter scoffed.

Wow, that was really
lame, Stewie commented.

Yeah, that really
sucked, Lois stated.

That was just
horrible. 4kids writes better puns, Chris stated.

And thats a
fact, said Al Kahn from the audience only to be beaten up by
countless otaku seconds later.

Conker sighed and
jumped into the ring. The announcer shrugged and said, It would
seem that we have two matadors now!

The original matador
turned to the squirrel and said, Thanks, buddy, I need help.
Together, we can beat this guy.

Sadly, before the man
could do anything, Big Guy ran up to him and speared his right horn
through the mans flesh. Conker stared in disgust as the bull
flung the man into a wall and the mans blood ran all through the
area where he had landed.

Conker frowned and
asked, Hey, whats the big deal you bastard? Your score is with
me!

He was wearing red,
Big Guy explained a Conker rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Tom Tucker
in the audience positioned his head next to his taxpayer and said,
Im going to bet $10000 that the squirrel mascot dies.

The tax payer sighed
and said, Thats a good thing, especially if you lose, because
thats how much you owe me for getting you a wife.

What good did that
do me? Tom retorted, All that got me was a son with an
upside-down face.

Dad, Im sitting
right here, complained Toms son as Tom laughed nervously and
said, This is awkward.

As Big Guy rushed at
the squirrel, Conker ran up to a wall. Everyone thought he would die
due to the dead end, but instead, he crouched onto the ground and
unleashed his legendary spring jump as the bull rammed into the wall.

Big Guys horns got
stuck in the wall as Conker went behind him, pulled out a frying pan
and bashed the spot on his rear end that had a bandaid on it. The
bull cried out in pain and turned around, his head fuming with fury.

Lois saw the bull rush
at Conker again and shouted, I cant watch this! Theres no
wall to support him this time!

Meanwhile, the other
watched and cheered, Go, bull! Make his blood splatter all over
the floor!

Before that could
happen, Conker did yet another spring jump and spun his tail around
like a helicopter allowing his to land in front of another wall. Big
Guy rushed at the squirrel once more, only this time Conker dodged
him and he banged his head against the wall.

Conker saw that the
frying pan was useless, so he simply leapt onto the bulls back,
grabbed him by the horns and made the big lummox run around aimlessly
for 5 minutes.

Big Guy got tired of
this, so he angrily kicked the squirrel off of his back and rushed at
him. Conker trembled in fear and wined, This is the end!

Surprisingly, just
before the bull could hit, he breathed heavily and fell to the floor
falling asleep two second later.

I wish I wasnt
such a fat bastard, he muttered as he closed his eyes a second
time.

Everyone simply stared
and didnt say a thing.

Back in the car, Lois
hugged the little squirrel and said, Oh, Conker that was amazing!
Where did you learn such skill?

Conker turned to her
and asked, What? Do you mean the Spinning-Helicopter-Tail Thing
or knowing that Big Guy was too overweight to last?

That was that. Next
stop, the Drunken Clam.