I have no claim on
Girls Gone Wild.
Quagmires Story Part IV
Proposition and Loiss Demise
Quagmire took Stewie
inside and sat him down on the couch. Quagmire stood in the middle of
the room and started to scratch his neck. Wow. Ive never had to
take care of a kid before. Umm what do babies like to do? I know.
Well watch an educational video.
Quagmire went inside
his closet and a bunch of sex toys fell out. Pink fuzzy handcuffs,
black whips, and other things. Then quagmire picked up a red video
tap. Alright! Stewie just sit back and relax. Oh yeah here little
buddy. Quagmire handed Stewie some hand lotion. Stewie looked at
the bottle with a confused look on his face. What in Gods name
am I supposed to do with this?
The television turned
on and a blonde woman with a white lab coat came on the screen. Hey
there big boy. Do you want to learn some science? Well you came to
the right place. Were going to learn about the reproductive system
and about the human body. First lesson. When you see a pair of
these, the woman pull the lab coat down and showed a pair of C
boobs, you take this then she showed a picture of a penis,
and some lotion. Take your hand and make a hole with your hand and
wrap it around your penis and move your hand up and down.
minutes later the woman put her lab coat back on. There doesnt
that feel better? Quagmire looked over at Stewie. Do you like
that little buddy? Stewie stared into the screen not blinking with
his hand in his diaper. That was the most amazing thing I have
ever seen. Quagmire laughed. You havent seen half of it.
Quagmire walked over to his closet again. And a whole mound of tapes
fell out. Stewie stared blankly and began to drool. Stewie asked, Do
you have any BGW (Babies Gone Wild)?
hours later Stewie and Quagmire lay down on the floor covered in
white goo. That was awesome. I tell you what Quagmire if you give
me your porn tapes I will help you have sex with Lois. Quagmire
shot up. No way. You cant do that? Wait the tapes are better than
Lois. Anyway she wont do anything with me. Youre lying.
became outraged. Damn it. If you dont give me those tapes I
will kick your ass instead! A Stewie leap in the air and pulls out
his baby bottle and a knife pops out of the bib. Quagmire quivers.
Ok but how are you going to set me and your mom up? Stewie
answers with, Leave that to me.
days later Peter is home from the hospital. Stewie comes running down
the stairs. Lois I know today is your birthday so I made you a
cake. There was a huge cake in the middle of the hallway. Lois
looked surprised. Thank you Stewie but today is not my birthday.
Stewie took out a straw and shot Lois with a blow dart. Now
Quagmire. Quagmire popped out of the cake. Alright! Gigty, gigty,
gigty, gigty, gigty, goo. Quagmire took Loiss body and dragged
it into Peter and Loiss room. Have fun you two. Now excuse me
while I go and do what nature intends me to do.
HA HA HA. Will Lois have another baby? Maybe. Did Quagmire use a
condom? Who cares?